WOP

My mother is convinced she is going to get murdered in my neighborhood, so she's made it a point to never visit me, saying, "I get neuvous driving in your neighborhood, I don't know where anything is and if I got lost I could get murdered."  Inspite  of her paralysing fear of Kansas City, Mo, my mom managed to make it to my apartment today, to steal the tires off of my car.  Over the years I've watched my mom do some pretty cheep shit, but I think stealing my tires before the salvage yard tow-truck could get my car, and switching them out with her old tires might be her grandest heist yet.  "They've got thousands of miles left Ryan, I'm not letting a salvage yard take those tires, when mine are bald."

At 7:00am she calls me to alert me that she is in rout with her boyfriend, and that I need to unlock the trunk.  "Mom, Jesus Christ just reach in one of the broken windows and hit the trunk button," I slurred into the phone.  Shortly after I said this I hear my car alarm going off.   Apparently throwing boulders through the windshield and drivers side windows will not activate the alarm, but popping the trunk when the doors are locked will.  So I had to get out of bed, which when you take into consideration how much I drank last night, was a challenge akin to climbing Everest.  HEAT!  the heat was on when you got back becuase you turned it off or so you thought becuase jen leaves the ac on with the wondows open and you hate that.  talk about how you went crazy infront of clint how you were naked infront of clint and then talk about how this is just a normal day for you.