I've been preforming the lesbian limbo for about 10 days now with a boy named Tony, which means we've spent every waking moment together and all but searched for apartment listings near a nice school district to raise our adopted Chinese babies in.  By day six he was kissing me the way I remember, long ago, being kissed by someone who loved me.  I know he doesn't love me, but it's nice to touch like your in love.  It's like cutting out the middle man and jumping straight to love making, without the hassle of getting to know someone.  
          Tony is not my type for many reasons, but mainly these:  he is not an alcoholic, he is kind, he is gentle, and he is confident.  I'm used to dating insecure alcoholics who do things like, put cigarettes out on my face, punch me  at college parties and who wake up and say things like, "your hair looks like shit."  I've been trying to date a nice guy for years, but the second I realize that they are not going to hit me or feed my eating disorder with insults, I freak out and run.  What can I say, I love a challenge.  But as time has flown by and I find myself a confident adult, I am not attracted to ass holes anymore.  I am attracted to other confident men. 
          I once dated a nice guy named Wagner, and I hated him.  He held doors open for me, and told me I had a beautiful voice.  It was awful.  It wasn't until he pushed me down a flight of stairs because his mother had woken up and he needed to hide me, that I became irrevocably and detrimentally attracted to him.  Sometimes I look back at men like Wagner and gawk at my stupidity.  I really thought I could change them, and after a lot of reflection I've decided I dated train wrecks because I was under the impression that no one would want me if they didn't need me.  I don't know what it's like to be wanted.