Steele could feel history in the hands touching his face
repeating themselves.
repeating themselves.
They touched his body without touching him.
A kind of hollow indulgence Steele had become accustomed to
in his marred, drunk mind
which he had long ago permitted to thrive in the absence of
true affection.
Both could not recall the others name
but remembered how to unbutton pants with one hand
and unbutton with the other
the shirt of their nameless partner.
Steele met this one after finishing a 2 am. meal
at Little Orphan Andy's Diner
at Little Orphan Andy's Diner
chicken fried steak being his favorite meal
Little Orphan Andy's being the only diner
in the Castro still serving it after midnight.
in the Castro still serving it after midnight.
He went threw the kitchen down a small flight of stairs
to the bathroom
unaware that a virile Indian man was quick behind him.
"Sorry I didn't see you there," said Steele
they both reached for the once copper door knob
"you can go first."
They looked each other up and down
after a short time deciding to go in together
to leave together
to sleep together.
When they finished
the caramel colored man was fast asleep
leaving Steele sitting on the strangers bed
the only light coming from a dim lamp on the edge of a night stand
which casted a red loneliness on the walls and on his skin.
He could see hand prints on his torso
stamped with warming lube
he pretended for a moment that the lingering sensation was a real hand
extending a warm touch.
Finding himself in these types of situations often
Steele would pass the quiet hours in which sleep never came
picking out nicknacks tenderly placed about the room
by the strange men who invited him in.
He looked for a long time at a picture frame
beneath its glass a photo of the sleeping man snoring beside him
he was standing next to an old woman
dressed in traditional Indian garb
.
The woman bore a bendi on her forehead
her hair turned gray by sun
thinned by age
her teeth fiercely perfect
broke from a smile backed with a lifetime of love
for the man which her arm rested upon.
Steele noticed in the picture
that the man sleeping next to him
was slightly older than the one in the photograph
his jaw line less jagged and more plump.
He imagined the old woman to be the man's grandmother
that the picture was taken during a religious ceremony.
Pulling from his memory
the sounds of Indian music he had heard in Bollywood movies
and Indian restaurants
he imagined himself there dancing with the women
behind the two smiling faces.
Steele also noticed that by an old oak desk in the corner
scattered on the wall it faced
were hundreds of sticky notes with English words and their definitions
written on them in fantastic swirls of handwriting not from this country.
One of the sticky notes read;
Withdrawal:
noun
removal; retraction.
noun
removal; retraction.
Steele carefully and quietly dressed himself before sitting at the oak desk.
By red light and the sounds of snores
morning street cars passing by a dawning window
he picked up a Hindi-English Dictionary
resting on a pile of unread male.
Translating the words "thank you, goodbye"
the best he could into Hindi, on a blue sticky note.
When he had finished writing the note reading,
"शुक्रिया नमस्ते,"
Steel stuck the note to the photo of the old woman and let himself out.
